Fun Lines from Various Places

General

Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be," - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, you must be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.	Elwood P. Dowd	link	general
A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for."	Grace Murray Hopper		general
Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.	André Gide		general
It's a lot more difficul to get on The Tonight Show than it is to get into a presidential debate.	Fred Thompson		general
Catch the ball, and THEN run.	Any Coach, Anywhere		general
There's a thin line between Saturday Night and Sunday Morning	Jimmy Buffet		general
We have learned through exerience that it is okay not to like some things that your spouse likes to do, and it's better to make it known rather than just go along.	Jimmy Buffet -		general
I haven't gone out with a forty year old woman since I was in High School!	Charlie Sheen - Two and a Half Men		general
Without heroes, we are all plain people and don’t know how far we can go	Bernard Malamud		general
Adulthood is for those who can’t hack youth.	Ed Windecker	link	general
My butt is now considered a weapon of Mass Destruction	John Pinette		general
sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug	The Bug Lyrics - Dire Straits	link	general
You of the North in general take love too soberly and seriously. You talk of duties where there should be only a question of pleasure.	"Venus In Furs" - Leopold Von Sacher Masoch	link	general
You must be the anvil or hammer	Goethe	link	general
Woman's power lies in man's passion, and she knows how to use it, if man doesn't understand himself. He has only one choice: to be the tyrant over or the slave of woman. As soon as he gives in, his neck is under the yoke, and the lash will soon fall upon him.	"Venus In Furs" - Leopold Von Sacher Masoch	link	general
A tourist is someone who thinks about going home the moment they arrive. Whereas a traveler might not come back at all.	"The Shattering Sky"		general
There's no place like 127.0.0.1			general
I swear you're the only person I know that could fail a Turing Test.			general
I just don't get why you'd want a vegetable unless you wrap it in bacon!	Michael Symon - Dinner Impossible		general
For the record, I'm not insane. My mother had me tested.	The Big Bang Theory		general
What are we going to blow up today?	Mythbusters		general
The French want you to hate them. When you hate the French, the French win.	MDM Forum - Curb Feeler		general
I'm not homeless. I have a home. I just don't know where it's parked!	Two and a Half Men		general
Did you just kill a guy with an appetizer? ... I dunno. Maybe.	Leverage		general
All I do is gyrate and I never killed anyone.	Strawberry Lust		general
It has seriously impaired my ability to giggle, and made my brain wonky	Garcia on Criminal Minds		general
Three cheers for Demoral!!!	Two and a half men		general
Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently	Henry Ford		general
The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.	anonymous		general
I'm so glad I don't live in the real world.	Leverage		general
I tried that work thing and I just couldn't get behind it. I mean, you go to work, you get off, you eat some awful meal, you watch some t.v., you go to bed, you wake up and then whole fucking thing stars over again. I mean, there's just no end to it.	Rolly, age 33, unemployed and loving it under a tree along Speer Ave		general
A safe life isn’t a life at all. Too many people seem to be saving themselves for their wake.	Jackie Gleason		general
For about the first time I realized that 36 really isn't 26. I couldn't jog. I wanted to jog. My mind was jogging. My arms were swinging in a jogging-like style. My legs, on the other hand, were walking.	Sand Cruiser Blog	link	general
Better a misadventure than a missed adventure.	Frank Kelly Rich		general
I need to be changed, there's something seriously wrong with me. Please chelsea take me back and turn me into someone else!	Charlie Harper, Two and a Half Men		general
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.	Mark Twain		general
Kiss my ass. Not on this side, not on that side, but right in the middle.	Hot Dog - The Movie		general
Thinking is hard work, which is why so few people do it.	Henry Ford		general
Skepticism is a good watchdog if you know when to take the leash off.	nero wolfe		general
You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction.	George Horace Lorimer		general
Charlie Sheen is America's collective id, let loose upon the world as we, as a nation, have grown more prudent and boring.	Rooster - MDM Forums	link	general
You outta try building a boat with hand tools after a couple shots of Jack.	Leroy Jethro Gibbs		general
Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you.	Walt Whitman		general
Some people always brighten a room when they enter, others only when they leave	Unknown		general
The plans do not matter and, in fact, are often just tales we tell our peers to make it look like we are not aimless drifters.		link	general
I've always found that anything worth achieving will always have obstacles in the way and you've got to have that drive and determination to overcome those obstacles on route to whatever it is that you want to accomplish.	Chuck Norris		general
You're cute when you're paranoid.	My wife		general
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.	Catch 22 - Joseph Heller		general
Remember, No matter where you go, there you are.	Buckaroo Bonzai		general
Nothing warms a sailors heart more than free food and booze!	Vern & Michelle	link	general
If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything.	Win Borden		general
Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will be powerless to vex your mind.	Leonardo Da Vinci		general
Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but, rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Holy Shit....What a ride!!!"	Munch		general
Though I might travel afar, I will meet only what I carry with me, for every man is a mirror. We see only ourselves reflected in those around us. Their attitudes and actions are only a reflection of our own. The whole world and its condition has its counter parts within us all. Turn the gaze inward. Correct yourself and your world will change.	Kirsten Zambucka		general
What a train wreck of a human being.	Nuggita		general
I get sick when I hear athletes say ‘I’m not a role model', Tebow said. Yes you are. You’re just not a very good one.	Tim Tebow		general
Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force	Irving Berlin		general
We could have bought a small yacht with what we spent on our dog and all the things he destroyed. Then again, how many yachts wait by the door all day for your return?	John Grogan		general
It's Porkalicious	Michael Symon		general
The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it. Your life will be impoverished. But if you invest in beauty, it will remain with you all the days of your life	Frank Lloyd Wright		general
The bottom-line is that humans were never meant to live their lives inside little boxes staring at little screens all day.	Jack Busch	link	general
I guess this is what travel is all about: stepping out of your paradigm and being thrown hard into another. Being shocked, being scared, seeing, hearing, smelling, touching and feeling the pace and the place for oneself. Being awed, confused, delighted, perplexed and elated is the reward. Vive la France!	Mark @ the big blue sailing blog	link	general
Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.	Winnie the Pooh		general
This art of resting the mind and the power of dismissing from it all care and worry is probably one of the secrets of energy in our great men.	Captain J. A. Hadfield		general
You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage - pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically - to say no to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger yes burning inside	Stephen Covey		general
There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.	unkown		general
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.	Johnny Cash		general
It's always fun to look...at houses, cars, women. It's the commitments that are a pain	Robert Loper		general
Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night, and the body was never tired... You've always got to make the mind take over and keep going.	George S. Patton		general
A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits	Richard M. Nixon		general
It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.	Leonardo da Vinci		general
Never bear more than one trouble at a time. Some people bear three kinds -- all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have.	Edward Everett Hale		general
You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.	John C. Maxwell		general
Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.	Benjamin Franklin		general
Don't let your current plight control your passion for life	Dave1 - Corvette Forums		general
Don't hold the fact that I have rational, logical thoughts against me!	hulksdaddy - Corvette Forums		general
Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time who never loses any. It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing	Thomas Jefferson		general
Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul	Samuel Ullman		general
Without great solitude, no serious work is possible	Picasso		general
Your world view saddens me.	Last man standing		general
The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism	Norman Vincent Peale		general
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.	Ralph Waldo Emerson		general
I'm not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.	Louisa May Alcott		general
Having more joy does not necessarily require a life overhaul -- you may just need to create more space in your life for moments of joy.	Debrena Jackson Gandy		general
Life is filled with so many exciting twists and turns. Hop off the straight and narrow whenever you can and take the winding paths. Experience the exhilaration of the view from the edge. Because the moments spent there, that take your breath away, are what make you feel truly alive.	Stacey Charte		general
God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well	Voltaire		general
Talent is what you're born with, skills are what you earn.	Rod Smith		general
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.	Mother Theresa		general
Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile.	Mark Twain		general
Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship.	Benjamin Franklin		general
Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.	Nathaniel Hawthorne		general
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.	Harvey MacKay		general
I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.	Audrey Hepburn		general
Think of life as a gigantic ice cream parlor with infinite flavors to taste. Tell yourself the goal of life is to taste as many flavors of experiences as you can. Admittedly, you won't like every flavor. But hey, you don't need to go near that flavor ever again. Instead, indulge in flavors you know you're passionate about! And don't be afraid to taste something that might look funny -- you never know!	Karen Salmansohn		general
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours.	Ayn Rand		general
You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control.	Elizabeth Gilbert		general
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.	Groucho Marx		general
Strive to increase order and discipline in your life. Discipline usually means doing the opposite of what you feel like doing. The easy roads to discipline are setting deadlines; discovering and doing what you do best and what's important and enjoyable to you; focusing on habits by replacing your bad habits and thought patterns, one-by-one, over time, with good habits and thought patterns	Dave Kekich		general
Do something today that your future self will thank you for.	Unknown		general
The potential of the average person is like a huge ocean unsailed, a new continent unexplored, a world of possibilities waiting to be released and channeled toward some great good.	#NAME?		general
This is the best that we can do for those who have died: We can live in such a way that they can feel they are continuing to live in us, more mindfully, more profoundly, more beautifully, tasting every minute of life available to us, for them.	Vietnamese Buddhist master Thich Nhat Hanh		general
Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise trouble or hard work, it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.			general
Live like there’s a fire lit under your ass that only action can fuel, feed, allow to grow into a blaze that will engulf the world where your name will roll off the tongue like so few legends that have come before you. Dare things so mighty that even a whisper of your plans sends chills up the spines of the men and women confined to mediocrity, unable to see that the world is, indeed, a playground and only the rebel dares to treat it as such.	Chad Howse	link	general
Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor souls who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.	Theodore Roosevelt		general
We don’t travel for a stamp on our passport, but an imprint on our soul	Chad Howse	link	general
Today, I will be happier than a dachshund on stilts!			general
It’s in the seconds that the war of life is won.	Chad Howse	link	general
Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.	Anthony J. DAngelo		general
Football in it's purest form is what we strive for as a nation. People from all different races, religions and backgrounds working together for one shared goal. The core values taught in football are some of the most important you can learn in life. To always be there for the guy next to you and not let your fellow man down. You do whatever it takes to make sure your brother is OK. Football has afforded me a platform throughout my career to have a greater impact on my humanitarian work. At this time, I feel drawn to make the larger fight for human rights a priority. My life's purpose is bigger than football.	Anquan Boldin		general

Politics

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety	Benjamin Franklin	link	politics
Government is not the answer to our problems, government is the problem.	Ronald Reagan		politics
My fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.	John F. Kennedy		politics
Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as far as possible, the need for its own existence.	Ronald Reagan		politics
The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money"	Margaret Thatcher		politics
Deficit spending is simply a scheme for the "hidden" confiscation of wealth.	Alan Greenspan "Gold and Economic Freedom"		politics
The real problem is the bailouts themselves, which create impossible choices. We’ forced to decide between tax dollars being spent on unpopular things and Congress micromanaging businesses after bailing them out — in essence substituting political decisions for market decisions and greatly damaging our economy and capitalist system.	Phil Kerpen	link	politics
Each generation must renew the freedoms handed down to them by the previous generation, or they risk losing those freedoms.	Cal Thomas	link	politics
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.	Thomas Jefferson		politics
When the people fear the government, there is tyranny. When the government fears the people, there is liberty.	Thomas Jefferson		politics
These people love America. They just think Texas does America best!	Glemn Beck at the Alamo Tea Party	link	politics
Selfish greed for profit is a thing of the past. It has been generally conceeded that the interests of society as a whole must always be placed first in any business undertaking...	Atlas Shrugged - James Taggert		politics
Let us trust God, and our better judgment to set us right hereafter. United we stand, divided we fall. Let us not split into factions which must destroy that union upon which our existence hangs.	Patrick Henry		politics
we must control men in order to force them to be free.	Atlas Shrugged		politics
I can proudly say that in all my life I have never made a profit!	Atlas Shrugged		politics
Quite simply, it is impossible for government spending to make us richer when every way the government can raise money makes us poorer.	Phil Kerpen	link	politics
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.	Thomas Jefferson		politics
"Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for doing absolutely nothing?" "I figured 'cuz the democrats were in power again!"	The Simpsons		politics
The antiquated theory that in order for a business or industry to be sustainable it must create more wealth than it consumes is being discarded in favor of the belief that if you fervently hope for something good to come true, then it will.	Bill Frezza	link	politics
An unlimited power to tax involves, necessarily, a power to destroy; because there is a limit beyond which no institution and no property can bear taxation.	John Marshall, McCullough v. Maryland, 1819		politics
Evil rarely comes upon us all at once, and liberty is rarely lost in one stroke. It happens gradually, over the years and decades and even centuries.	Andrew Napolitano	link	politics
The welfare of humanity is always the alibi of tyrants.	Albert Camus		politics
[A]nything not good for you is bad, hence, illegal. Alcohol, caffeine, contact sports, meat . . .<br> John Spartan: Are you sh**ing me? <br> A computer: John Spartan, you are fined one credit for a violation of the verbal morality statute.<br> John Spartan: What the Hell is that? <br> A computer: John Spartan, you are fined one credit . . .<br> Lenina Huxley: Bad language, child play, gasoline, uneducational toys, and anything spicy. Abortion is also illegal. But, then again so is pregnancy, if you don't have a license.	Demolition Man		politics
"Jesus taught that we should give to the poor and support widows, but he never said that we should elect a government that would take money from our neighbor's hand and give it to the poor,"	Jerry Falwell		politics
The political establishment is salivating for more revenue. Thinking a VAT is going to cure the deficit is like giving an alcoholic the keys to a liquor store.	Daniel Mitchell of the libertarian Cato Institute		politics
I don't believe in winning at all costs, if that means cheating or doing things that are wrong. But if you think winning is not too important, then you are not willing to pay the price to win. Take away winning and you take away everything that is strong about America. If you don't believe in winning, you don't believe in free enterprise, capitalism, our way of life. Our way of life means succeeding and you must win to do that. Today in america everything is "let's be free, let's be ourselves." but that eliminates responsibility. If you have freedom you must have responsibility. If you have free enterprise - have a country like ours - you've got to win, got to pay the price, got to do the things that make our country progressive. Once you start moving from that - and that's what we're doing in America today - sooner or later you're going to fail. You won't remain strong. This country is organized no differently from a football team. It's built on discipline, competition and paying the price. Take away those things and you have chaos, weakness and immorality - all the things that are taking place in America right now. So winning is important. It's got to be.	Tom Landry - Coach of the Dallas Cowboys		politics
The Founding Fathers knew a government cant control the economy without controlling people. And they knew when a government sets out to do that, it must use force and coercion to achieve its purpose.	Ronald Reagan		politics
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.	The Friends of Voltaire, 1906	link	politics
I will not attack your doctrines nor your creeds if they accord liberty to me. If they hold thought to be dangerous - if they aver that doubt is a crime, then I attack them one and all, because they enslave the minds of men.	Robert Green Ingersoll	link	politics
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.	George Bernard Shaw		politics
We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.	Ronald Reagan		politics
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.	Thomas Jefferson		politics
We ought to be a country focusing on the future, not a country frothing at the mouth about the past.	Newt Gringrich		politics

Cars

If you crash backwards through the Pearly Gates in a fireball, that’s a cool way to die!	Jeremy Clarkson		cars
The GTC's look is all class, but the sound it makes when you goose that throttle on startup is evil on a popsicle stick, as if your right foot opens a portal to hell.	Autoblog	link	cars
My thing with the green situation is: Even if you don't believe in global warming, don't you want to screw the oil company or gas company or utility company?	Jay Leno	link	cars
Like the vegetables of my childhood era, shoving green cars down my throat just because they're good for me won't make me want to buy them.	Alex Kambas		cars

Booze

The beer was colder than a ten-dollar whore and twice as refreshing. Plus your piss wouldn’t burn after you had one.	David Sipos	link	booze
Don’t make me hit you again. Now hand over the worm and I’ll forget I ever met you.	David Sipos	link	booze
My troubled body dangled from the eighth floor window, gagging, convulsing, puking, and it dawned on me that I ought not to have tried to out-drink a seven foot Indian.	P. W. Lewis	link	booze
what I love most of all is binge drinking. Really getting stuck in. Hosing back the cocktails until the room begins to swim and my legs seem to be on backwards.	Jeremy Clarkson		booze
One must be drunk always...if you would not feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your shoulders and bows you to the earth, you must intoxicate yourself unceasingly. But with what? With wine, poetry, or with virtue, your choice. But intoxicate yourself.	Charles Baudelaire		booze
Feeling around with my toes, I locate what is either a slipper, or a rabbit. Slipper. Just once I want it to be a rabbit.	Hangover House - Randall Greenland II	link	booze
Bourbon is about living and life, about good and evil, about being human, about RIGHT NOW!	A Bourbon Enthusiast	link	booze
Do not try to get out of the headlock. The more you try, the tighter it will get.	Modern Drunkard Survival Guide	link	booze
Clever knife tricks have never made a lunatic appear less dangerous and talking has never made a drunk appear more sober.	Modern Drunkard Survival Guide	link	booze
I look to my right and see that full glass, the dew dripping so artistically down its sides. Lovely. A vessel so full of potential, so full of hope and sheer, unadulterated joy. There is nothing like it. Nothing. I must ride this train to the end of line. I can’t wait to see what’s waiting at the station.	C. Henry	link	booze
Overdo What? Happiness? Freedom? This warm glow inside of me that promises everything will be all Hunky Dunky?	The Big Bang Theory		booze
Way I figure it you're breaking even as long as you're alive.	Oggar	link	booze
It might only take one bullet to kill me but I'd rather that bullet come at the end of the movie than be the guy who dies in the opening credits.	Oggar	link	booze
Three very fundamental truths: 1) even a temporary escape is better than no escape at all, 2) cheap alcohol is readily available in Mexico and 3) your relatives are not.	Frank Kelly Rich	link	booze
Hell, it's all good. Some of it's just a little bit better.	Booker Noe		booze
Getting drunk on beer is like being bludgeoned by a wet towel until you collapse. Getting drunk on booze (especially whiskey), is like having a sharp spike driven into your skull.	fizzmaster (MDM Forum)		booze
The first crack of a new bottle. Some people see a bottle of whiskey and think of the beverage. I look at it and see opportunity. It's like, inside this bottle lies all sorts of good times, it's a magical elixer that can take away all my pain and drudgery of daily life. It's like a potion that can save me from being bored with being bored. Its heavenly, yeah, it's like that.	bluespook	link	booze
80 proof moonshine? Really? Isn't that like akin to a prostitute who doesn't venture beyond second base?	MDM Forum	link	booze
Bourbon is like a religion for me. When I drink it, it's like a communion with all the bourbon swilling folks that have gone before me....	MDM Forums - Cowboy Joe		booze
Most times no matter what kind of mood I'm in I cheer up once I start drinking. Same thing when I'm eating spiral ham.	MDM Forum - BeerMakesMeSmart	link	booze
Steve, bless him, went about preparing my drinks. Then he set them in front of me and I drank them and, you know how it goes, that fire sliding down your throat, spreading from your belly into your limbs, seeping into your mind, easing it up, easing up the world, life, the seeming impossibility of it all, and then I said, “Another one, and then another one, please, and then one more.” I rolled up a Drum cigarette, lit it, took a long inhalation, let it out, and I was feeling pretty good. On top of it, you know? Aces, yeah.	Nathaniel Lewis	link	booze
It’s bad enough when people you know remind you forever about what you did while drunk, it’s worse when there’s a camera there to record it.	Dave Attell - MDM Interview	link	booze
You da mose beuful woman in de worl. Da worl!	Modern Drunkard Magazine	link	booze
the sum of a drinker is not the bottles on his wall, tis the brew in his veins.	MDM Forum	link	booze
Oposums won't get you free beer, but they might give you rabies.	MDM	link	booze
Life's too short to drink bad booze.	Kevin Levron		booze
Only way to get numb from lite beer is to hit yourself repeatedly about the head with the fucking bottle.	Savage - Modern Drunkard Magazine		booze
The secret to appearing not entirely drunk is to keep as much space as you can between your head and the ground.	Frank Kelly Rick		booze
A woman drove me to drink, and I never even had the courtesy to thank her	W. C. Fields		booze
What contempible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?	W. C. Fields		booze
Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good whiskey is barely enough.	Mark Twain		booze
Getting drunk is a very nearly sacred experience, a wide-open full throttle thing, a grand celebration of life, a wild charge through the night. Booze is high-octane fuel and mixing a lot of water with that fuel, as any race car driver will tell you, is a good way to lose the race.	MDM Issue 54 - The Mourning After - Frank Kelly Rich		booze
See, when you take your beer in your sweaty hand, you should gaze on its curvaceous shape, glowing glass, tantalizing droplets of water that are a sign of the cooling, refreshing delights that will soon pleasure you. Run your hands down the bottle; perhaps give it a reverent kiss. Then, and only then, should you gently pry the cap from the mouth of your beloved. When you tilt that bottle toward your lips, and prepare to accept that holy communion, you should give thanks that you live in a country that allows the brewing and distilling of the radiant elixir that we call alcohol. And then you should shoot a quadruple shot of Maker's.	Savage	link	booze
Stay thirsty my friends	The most interesting man in the world		booze
Personally I prefer the buzz between "all is good and well in the universe with this glass" drunk and "IM A FUCKING VIKING!" drunk.	Impish Boozehound - MDM Forums	link	booze
Manhattans are dangerous their deliciousness can allow you to rapidly knock down a full bottle and incapacitate yourself- This, of course, makes them a perfect after work drink.	MDM Forums - Oggar		booze
I hate going from liquor to wine or beer. You rush the cliff & instead of charging over--gloriously--you weave a net to catch your fall.	Frank Kelly Rich		booze
Never bought into that alcohol is a depressant thing. Booze isn't the darkness. Booze is the bonfire of incalculable joy.	Frank Kelly Rich		booze
There is no greater glory than the bourbon in your hand. History is in your hand.	Frank Kelly Rich		booze
Never bought into that alcohol is a depressant thing. Booze isn't the darkness. Booze is the bonfire of incalculable joy.	Frank Kelly Rich		booze